Finding Control
It is pretty easy to fall under the false assumption that we have complete control over our lives when things seem to be going our way. But when uncertainty comes, what happens to our feelings of control?
Epictetus said in Enchiridion, 1, “Of all existing things some are in our power and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and in a word, everything which is of our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing.”
Many of you may be familiar with the well-known Serenity Prayer, which conveys the same idea.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
That prayer was written by a theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, in 1934, and in those few words, he managed to reflect a wisdom that is common to Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, and Stoic beliefs and philosophies.
It is what’s known in Stoicism as the “dichotomy of control.”
In the above quote from Epictetus, we can see he is dividing the world into two groups: things under our complete control and things not completely under our control.
To find enjoyment and fulfillment in life, it is crucial that we use our mental energy to focus on those things that are under our complete control, and viewing all other things with indifference.
We calm our minds by learning to want only what is in our complete control. If we learn to do this, in a way, we will always get what we want.
So the question is, “What is in our complete control?”
First on Epictetus’ list is thought which is to say, in modern terms, our judgments or opinions on any particular matter.
Next, we have impulse, where he means our impulse to act, but he doesn’t mean in a subconscious way, like pulling away from something hot. What he is relating impulse to is what happens from the first step of thought. If we think something is good, we will want it. If we think something is bad, we will avoid it.
Then we have the will to get and the will to avoid. We decide if a thing is worth our time, effort, money, and/or energy.
These three things are what are under our complete control and the things we should train to master all three.
These things can still be influenced by outside forces and by internal dialogues. But ultimately, they are under our control because we can make a conscious decision to ignore others’ opinions or we can quiet the internal dialogues.
Now, we will look at the things not under our control. These are our body, property, reputation, position, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing. This list is basically all things outside of our conscious mind.
We get sick sometimes, no matter how healthy we eat or how much we exercise. Property can be stolen, damaged, or taken by natural disasters. Our reputation can be hurt by others that we have no opportunity to influence. Jobs can be terminated for reasons beyond our control.
Don’t require your peace and happiness to rest on anything that is not completely in your control. When you do, you give up your happiness to chance. And, when you play this game, the odds are always in the house’s favor.