Things are never as bad as or as good as they seem.
I was at work in the machine shop one evening when I got the text.
I worked two jobs at the time, during the day I worked as an ASL interpreter for an elementary school in the county just north of us and in the evenings I worked as a machinist.
My wife had taken a pregnancy test that day and she texted me a photo of the results. We were having a baby. Our sixth baby to be exact. I was thrilled.
On my way home from work that night, I stopped and picked up some flowers and sparkling cider so we could celebrate the good news.
We scheduled our first appointment with the Dr. and they did an early ultrasound. The doctor made a comment in passing about the fetus being a little small for how far along my wife was, and he wanted to have some other blood work done. We would have the results in a few days, but something just didn’t look right.
A few weeks later, I remember walking to lunch at the school and getting the text to call home when I had the chance. I knew something must be wrong.
I stepped out to the car and called Kim. She answered and I could tell by her voice something wasn’t right. She said the nurse from the doctor’s office had just called with the results of the blood work and it showed that there was a good possibility our baby could have Trisomy 18. They wanted us to go to see a neonatologist in Atlanta for a more detailed ultrasound.
The neonatologist confirmed our worst fears, our baby showed several of the markers for having Trisomy 18, and the chances of survival were very slim, more so since it was a boy.
We went home and hit the books studying everything we could about this genetic disorder. Many never make it to full term and miscarry. And, for the majority of the ones that do make it to term and are born, most never live to see their first birthday. We learned everything we could and with each new problem we were presented, he had heart issues and an omphalocele (his intestines were forming on the outside of his abdomen), we did everything possible to give our little boy a fighting chance.
Through our research, we met people all over the world that had been touched by Trisomy in some way. We met families that had gone through what we were about to face. We met and became friends with a world record holder, he completed the most IronMan Triathlons in one year (I think it was 15), and his family. He did it to help bring attention to and to help raise awareness of those with Trisomy 18 and the difficulties they and their families face.
Michael Z was born on April 3, 2009, and lived for 18 days.
He was only here for a very short time, but he managed to touch many lives around the globe, and he managed to teach me a lot about life too.
From the day we learned we were having another baby until the day our little man took his last breath here on earth, there were a lot of ups and downs, things looked really good at times but then would take a turn and go downhill quickly. Or, there were times when things looked their darkest, but a ray of hope would shine through because of some kind souls words or deeds.
Michael’s life, though short as it was taught me that things are never as bad as or as good as they seem.
Things happen.
That comes with the package here on this pale blue dot sailing through the cosmos.
It’s the meaning we give to those things that make them seem good or bad.
From the day we are born, we are handed a death sentence. We aren’t promised the next day. It’s how we view these things that happen that will either help us to keep moving forward or will paralyze us with fear until we can do nothing.
Maybe things are neither good or bad, maybe they just are.
It reminds me of a story I like to call the “Parable of Perhaps”
There is an old story that I have read and have been told many times that is attributed sometimes to the Taoist traditions, and sometimes to the Buddhist traditions.
It’s about an old farmer who worked his farm for many years, plowing and sewing his fields with the help of his son and their one horse. One day the horse runs off, and the villagers, hearing the news, came by to offer their sympathies and said, “What horrible luck.”The farmer responded, “Perhaps.”
The next day the horse returns bringing with him three other wild horses. The villagers hear the news and come to see the new horses. “Your horse has come home and now you have three new horses, How wonderful!” they said. The farmer merely replied, “Perhaps.”
Later that day, the farmer’s son attempts to ride one of the wild horses. The horse isn’t happy about it, bucks and throws the son. The son falls hard and breaks his leg. Once again the villagers hear the news and say, “Oh no, the son has a broken leg. This is horrible.” The farmer replies once more, “Perhaps.”
The next day there is a commotion in the village. The military is coming through and taking all of the able-bodied young men to fight in a war that has begun. As the army passes through the village they notice the farmer’s son, but see he has a broken leg and they pass him by. “This is wonderful luck for the farmer. His son doesn’t have to go off and fight in the war.”The farmer finally responds, “Perhaps.”