“Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them then or bear with them.” — Marcus Aurelius (Meditations VIII.59)
We live in a day and time where the most seen reaction, especially on social media when the opinion you see is not one you agree with, is outrage.
There is a lot of shouting at each other under the assumption that because you do, or don’t do some particular thing, you are better than them.
There is a lot of slinging insults toward one another (what better way to change someone’s mind than by insulting them, right?)
I have friends and relatives that I vehemently disagree with on practically everything. But I still love them. I think they are “good” (a very subjective term) people.
This leads us to the above quote from stoic Emporer, Marcus Aurelius. In a nutshell, he is saying to either take the time to teach them your point of view or learn to put up with them. I’m guessing the ratio should be about 5-10% teaching and 90-95% bearing. (I know, not what you were really wanting to hear.)
Ol’ Marcus also said,
“‘A cucumber is bitter.’ Throw it away. ‘There are briars in the road.’ Turn aside from them. This is enough. Do not add, ‘And why were such things made in the world?’” (in Meditations VIII.50)
Some people are good and decent, some not so much (again very subjective based on your beliefs, opinions, and worldview) People are going to show you who and what they really are. That’s what people do. They may say one thing, but their actions will show you the real person.
I have good friends on both sides of the political aisle. I have friends that are conservative fundamentalists, and I have friends that are liberal atheists. I have friends and loved ones that are gay and I have friends and loved ones that are straight. I have friends and family that struggle with Gender Dysphoria or Incongruence. I have friends that spout out things that would be better kept to themselves and then cherry-pick Bible verses completely out of context to justify their words and actions.
Social media has allowed us a certain level of anonymity giving way to the dehumanization of those we interact with.
So, we should learn to take people for what they are and not what we expect them to be.
Marcus had a pretty good grasp on people.
“Begin the morning by saying to yourself, I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. … I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him.” (in Meditations II.1)
When did we reach the point where we felt it was imperative to always criticize or constantly correct others? It is as if we feel we are a part of their “wrong-doings” if we don’t perpetually speak up and out against them.
As Mr. Aurelius states above, people can’t fix on us what is ugly because we are in charge of our own opinions, thoughts, values, judgments, and beliefs. In fact, Stoic Philosophy teaches us those are the only things we are in charge of and we don’t control those in other people, no matter how much we would like to.
I love to argue and debate. I have been known to at the drop of a hat. I have also been known to drop said hat.
Although, lately I am learning to adopt this philosophy more. I am pausing when I want to yell and criticize and finding a better way to either teach or tolerate.